Suicide: The challenge to the faithful, and faithful survivors

It was little more than 10 years ago that I lost my best friend, Ken, to suicide.

It happened one bright spring weekend. The day before, knowing he had been uncharacteristically out of touch, I tried calling him, no answer. I went over an knocked on his door, rang the door bell. Left phone messages. Emails.

He loved action movies. Let's go out and see a flick, I offered. You know. Escape life's stresses and worries for an afternoon. Laugh, like we always did. Talk, sometimes about deep things, other times just memories.

Ken had some great stories. Stories so great, you would wonder if they were apocryphal . . . until you learned from someone else that, "Yes, he did take on four guys in a park and sent them running." Or, "Yes, he did break a sack of cement over the head of an obnoxious boss once."

He loved practical jokes. Me, too. We victimized each other from time to time, and he always bellowed that deep laugh of his, and grinned widely . . . even as his eyes told you, "You're next, bud."

He was a big man. Big tall, 6-foot-4, and big physically, a man mountain. When he laughed, people noticed.

But there was no answer from Ken that March day in 2003. Finally, the fire department arrived. They found him in his bedroom, dead, from a massive overdose of over-the-counter sleeping medications.

He had gone to several stores to get enough; the empty bags and cartons and receipts were nearby.
In the days and weeks that followed his funeral, we learned of his dark, abusive side. It was a hidden horror his family had endured.

Those times came in cycles, at first rare, but as his mental state deteriorated, more frequent. I remain convinced to this day, that he finally decided to end it, at least in part to protect his family -- before one of his black moods ended in bloodshed.

Nothing, of course, is ever so clearly defined. Some suicides are plain acts of selfishness, a desire to punish from the grave. Others come at the precipice of hopelessness, grief. Yet others are unexplainable, brought on by psychotic breaks with reality, desperation to end the hell of perception when reality flees and gives way to madness. And some are all these things, and more.

In my current role as a public safety reporter, hardly a week goes by where there is not a murder-suicide. The most recent was an elderly couple. She was in terminal, failing and painful health; he wanted her pain to end, and his own.

That almost seems understandable. My own parents, one in the late stages of Alzheimer's, the other enduring painful arthritis and failing eyesight, might be such a couple but for their enduring love for each other and trust in God. Faith sustains them, helps them endure, and trust that their time will come when it supposed to -- by His hand, not their own.

To this day, I am convinced Ken could have been helped. But in the sad equation of his life, he refused to do the therapy, take the drugs, and he had lost faith. Perhaps he was not capable, at that point, of reaching out for help. I don't know; and I will not judge.

But I still miss my friend.

This year, suicide also touched the life of internationally known pastor Rick Warren, of the Saddleback Church and "Purpose Driven Life" fame. His youngest son took his own life.
How this man of faith, along with his remaining family are dealing with this at Thanksgiving time is poignant, and faith- and life-affirming. In a piece requested by Time Magazine, we wrote in part:

"This year became the worst year of my life when my youngest son, who’d struggled since childhood with mental illness, took his own life. How am I supposed be thankful this Thanksgiving? When your heart’s been ripped apart, you feel numb, not grateful.

"And yet the Bible tells us "Give thanks IN all circumstances . . . ." The key is the word “in.” God doesn’t expect me to be thankful FOR all circumstances, but IN all circumstances."

Warren goes on with this list what he is thankful for this season. Here are some of them:

I’m thankful that, even though I don’t have all the answers, God does. In tragedy we seek explanations, but explanations never comfort. It is God’s presence that eases our pain.
 
I’m thankful for the hope of heaven. I won’t have to live with pain forever. In heaven, there are no broken relationships, broken minds, broken bodies, broken dreams, or broken promises.
 
I’m thankful for my church family.  ... in our darkest hour as a family, they gave all that love back in a split-second, the moment Kay and I returned to speak after a 16-week grief sabbatical.  We can handle anything with prayers and support like that.

I’m thankful that God can bring good even out of the bad in my life, when I give him the pieces. It’s his specialty. God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections, and then benefit the whole world. God never wastes a hurt if we give it to him."

To read Pastor Warren's article in full, click on this link.

NO Christmas trees before Thanksgiving, you holiday-ruining turkeys!

There really should be a law about playing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving, at least.

The commercialism and forced yuletide cheer is annoying enough without bombarding us with Saccharin-sweet ditties that were stale and headache-inducing when our grandparents were young, for crying out loud.

How many times, people, can you really listen to Alvin the Chipmunks sing about Hula Hoops and the holidays?

Even before Halloween, the big box stores were stocking the shelves with fake trees, ornaments and all the other Christmas detritus.

Let us progress, as the holiday deities intended, to Thanksgiving and then, if you must, start flocking the pine and/or plastic trees and caroling, or braving the manic aisles of the toy stores, etc.

So, it should be no surprise at all that I am a Facebook fan of Playing Christmas music BEFORE Thanksgiving is ANNOYING!
That's where the awesome cartoons come from.

Finally, a place to give vent to my primordial Scrooge.

Some wisdom from the site:

"Everytime a Christmas Tree is lit before Thanksgiving, a baby reindeer is drowned by an angry elf."

Veterans Day: To generations dead, crippled and haunted by war, thank you

Veterans Day.

In what has been a melancholy autumn for me, today is a time of reflection and perspective.

To take the second point, first: My disappointments and valley experiences with surviving several rounds of layoffs this year at work, the transitions in what had been a steady freelance writing contracting gig, and most of all the denouement of family relationships . . . all those things seem rather small compared to the sacrifices made by our soldiers, airmen and sailors.

From the American Revolution through the Civil War, World Wars I and II, to Vietnam and, I presume, even today, Mimses have served in uniform. 

 

Three Mimses are on the Vietnam Memorial Wall in Washington, D.C., cousins, black and white, who died in combat on the ground and in the air.

Air Force Capt. George Mims, of Manning, S.C., was shot down over North Vietnam in December 1965, never to be heard from again, an MIA eventually declared dead in 1973. His body was never recovered.

Third-class Petty Officer Felton Mims, a Texan, drowned in Go Cong Province, while serving on a Navy river patrol boat in March 1969. (That's him in the photo above, getting a haircut from a crewmate).

Army PFC Kenneth Mims, from Alabama, died when stepped on a land mine as he and other members of the B Company, 1st Battalion, 501st Infantry, 101^st Airborne Division patrolled near Thua Thien in April 1971.

Four of my uncles served and survived, albeit with nightmares, the crucible that was World War II in the Pacific.

The Civil War killed relatives by the dozens, North and South, white and black. It directly affected my line of the family, with my great-grandfather, wounded severely in Shiloh, was left crippled and dependent on morphine before he died, leaving my 7-year-old grandfather and his mother destitute.

His poverty and a brutal upbringing by an older brother haunted him, and by extension my own father, who struggled with a distant, demanding relationship with his Dad.

To a far lesser extent, I experienced some of the same in my early years, before a mild heart attack left my dad more engaged -- just in time for my critical teen years.

Two Mimses fought the British, another fought for them, in the Revolution.

Now, the reflection part? Somehow, today at least, I feel far less sorry for myself.

And on this day I am quietly, thoughtfully grateful to those who fought, and sometimes died for their principles and country.

Obamacare: Mr. President, 'fess up to failure. Scrap it, start over -- do it right

This is painful for me. I am a supporter of the concept of universal, single-payer health insurance.

Along with millions of other Americans, I had hoped Obamacare would at least go some way toward what we need, but it has turned out to be an only slightly mitigated disaster. 

The President's efforts to wiggle out of his promises with an Orwellian revision of the historical, and multiplied record of his blown off promises is maddening. 

Scrap it, start over and do it right.

Fifty-two million -- roughly a fifth of us -- stand to lose our insurance coverage, regardless of the President's repeated, ad infinitum, promise that we can keep our plans, keep our doctors.

Read about it here: http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2013/11/07/207909/analysis-tens-of-millions-could.html

Obama's 'most transparent' administration looking a lot like Big Brother

Forget Obamacare.

Well-intentioned, but flawed, likely fatally, in its execution, only the future will tell what becomes of the dream of universal health care in the United States.


It wasn't Obamacare that won my vote for our first African-American president in 2008.

Like millions of Americans, 
I bought the "Change" message, especially his promise to give us "the most transparent" presidency and White House in history.

Regardless whether you seen NSA secrets-leaker Edward Snowden as a heroic whistleblower or a traitor (and there are points for both views), his revelations about the mindboggling scope and privacy-raping practices of the NSA's worldwide cellphone, email and Internet monitoring have put the lie to the President's promise.

And they are only the tip of the iceberg. The Obama Administration may prove to be not only NOT the "most transparent," but one of the most secretive and oppressive of the electorate's right to know what it's elected leaders and their bureaucrats are up to.

The Society of Professional Journalists' periodical, Quill -- hardly a conservative rag by any definition -- explores the soul-sickening extent of the Obama Administration's politics of opacity. One nugget: This White House has used the 1917 Espionage Act seven times, more than any other administration, to gag or intimidate would-be government whistleblowers.

Read it for yourself and then ask: Does Big Brother look a lot like a president who promised he and his would do nothing in the dark?

Here's the link to the article "There Goes the Sun." 

Monster: Steppenwolf protest song of '60s could be today's anthem — and that's sad

  Back in the crazy, rebellious and arrogant optimistic Sixties, my favorite band was "Steppenwolf."

  They made it big with "Magic Carpet Ride" and then "The Pusher."

  But, to me, it was their 1969 prophetic classic "Monster" that touched me, then a teenager peering fearfully ahead as the Vietnam War escalated.

  When my draft number came up a couple years later, it was low enough that I was one week from induction as an Army medic trainee before Nixon's suspension of the draft saved me.

  Now, I'm a graying 60-year-old man. And I look around and, other than our wonderful technological advances, little has changed.

  Raspy, now old John Kay could still belt out "Monster" today and it would fit, perfectly.

  And that, to me, is incredibly, deeply sad.

  Consider a portion of the lyrics to that song:

"Our cities have turned into jungles

And corruption is stranglin' the land
The police force is watching the people
And the people just can't understand
We don't know how to mind our own business
'Cause the whole worlds got to be just like us
Now we are fighting a war over there
No matter who's the winner
We can't pay the cost
'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into a noose
And it just sits there watching.

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster...."

Believe or not believe: It's important to know what you really embrace, or reject

Believe, or not believe.

Your choice, and I'm certainly not going to judge anyone's choice. It's highly personal, and your value as a living, breathing, sentient being does not change, regardless. 

That said, this video simply shares the unadorned, basic Christian message -- without the politics, without the holier-than-thou attitude, and without compromise.

Not everyone can accept it. Even those who do accept it too often add other agendas, political, social, ethnic, etc. agendas they wield like clubs against others.

Secular activists browbeat believers, Some believers demonize skeptics. It makes me think of errant believers and Christianphobes alike being condemned, some day, to writing on a galaxy-sized blackboard, for eternity, John 11:35, "Jesus wept."

As much as "accepting" Christ, living a life afterward that honors his love, sacrifice and embrace of all of us "sinners" is the point, at least for this cynical preacher's kid who has seen way too much judgment and far too little grace and humility.

Stupid reporter tricks: The Case of the Exploding Cigarette

I recently was reminiscing with a colleague about stupid reporter tricks.

I've committed . . . a few.

 I recalled that, some 35 years ago at a Spokane, Wash., alternative newspaper, I stuffed match heads into the cigarettes of my managing editor while he was at lunch. 

He returned, and I could hear his Zippo click open. He must have gotten two, maybe three puffs before the flare. (That is not him below, by the way. But it illustrates the tale, albeit it bit exaggerated.)

I still recall the shrieks of obscenities that blew forth from his office, followed a ragged breath or two later by an angry, "Mims! Get in here!"

 Not only were the still glowing shreds of tobacco just beginning to halt their rain onto his desktop, but he claimed the flare had singed his moustache and eyebrows.

Good thing that he was my friend. Remarkably, he still is.

Also, good thing my current editor at the Salt Lake Tribune doesn't smoke.

Hey, I may be 60 now, but that impish 20-something guy is still sloshing around inside and occasionally rears his horned head.

After all, years after the Exploding Cig Incident, I left a phone message note for my boss at Associated Press with a number that answered with a recorded come on for a dating service. 

It began, "Hey, big boy . . ." I kid you not.

Said editor was both irritated and amused, I think, in equal measure.

He was less reticent about his orders to never do that again.

AP also brought out the beat/worst of my competitive nature. Misdirecting rival UPI reporters, unscrewing mouthpieces of pay telephones after racing to one to dictate breaking news, ducking under police barricades to get close to mudslides and semi truck explosions . . . and being chased by a bull during one of the latter incidents as I crossed a pasture, after climbing through a dry canal under a blocked off freeway.

I may grow up, some day.  

Probably, when I'm dead.

 

Anniversaries: The rare jewel of marital commitment is a generational gift

Today, my son Rob and daughter-in-law Rachel celebrate 16 years of marriage. 

In a time when people struggle with commitment, I'm proud of their devotion to, and love for each other.

Also this week, my daughter Brenda and son-in-law Idal mark their first year of marriage, their lives now busy with my newborn grandson. May they also find the depth of love and commitment Rob and Rachel have.

Recently, Barbara and I marked our 40th. In January, my Dad and Mom, ages 91 and 86, will be married 65 years.

Dad will remember, Mom probably will not. But even as Alzheimer's disease continues to take her memories, she continues to be devoted to "Daddy."

 It seems, after all, that Love endures.

St. Paul was right, when he declared (1 Cor. 13, NIV): 

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part,  but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

 

Miracles: They come in small, squirming, grunting and wide-eyed packages

My last installment from the Beltway trip is the best.

Gettysburg, D.C., Fort McHenry, etc., were all on my "bucket list," to be sure.

The best part of the trip, though, was one I had frankly given up on ever happening: holding a grandchild who would carry on our crazy, good, bad and indifferent gene pool to another generation.

I have two other grandchildren I love deeply. Joshua and Lela. I like to say they were "born in my heart," though not my bloodline.

And I mean that with all my heart.

Holding Gabriel was precious, though, in a way I had not expected to experience.

I marveled at all those ancestors -- now including my wife, Barbara, and myself -- who culminated genetically in that tiny, grunting, squirming bundle of boy I rocked in a Towson, Md. townhouse for two weeks.

Add that to the generations of his father, Idal, represented. . . men and women stretching back into the mists of West Africa's nation of Cameroon.

Gabriel's heritage, then, spans three continents and most people groups, other than Asian. Amazing. A lot to put on a (then) 7 pound, 5 ounce infant, though.

And if there is such a thing as generational healing, perhaps it culminates in Gabriel's advent, too. A couple centuries ago, some of my relatives bought West African slaves and used them to gain wealth on plantations throughout the Deep South.

When I visited Gettysburg, standing on Little Round Top, I mused that I trod ground where my southern ancestors fought and died, ultimately losing a decisive battle that ushered in the demise of slavery in America. 

And at the end of that Civil War, a Maj. Mims was a signatory of the Appomatox surrender registry for the defeated Army of Northern Virginia.

Standing in the rows of Union troops witnessing that surrender likely were other relatives, the Sprouls from Maine, and not a few runaway slaves who enlisted in the U.S. Colored Troops divisions, men who signed up under the name "Mims," having long since lost their own names.

Irony. And justice. All those historical metaphors.

But the best part of Gabriel was inexpressible.

How do you describe the warmth, peace and fulfillment of holding a newborn grandson?

God bless you Gabe, Lela and Joshua.

May the heritage this grandfather passes on to you be one of faith -- in God, your family and yourselves.

And Gabriel? Never forget your parents named you so for a reason. Your name? 

It means: God is my strength.